Dear Annoyed,
If your husband sulks, ignore him. But please don’t waste a second feeling guilty about asking him to work. He’s gotten two years of leisure.
You busted your butt to get to a place where you didn’t need to be traditionally employed. You basically did two full-time jobs for nearly a decade. You did that because you wanted to be your own boss, not so that your husband would never have to work again.
Sometimes in a relationship, it makes sense for only one person to work because both partners benefit. Initially, this arrangement made sense because by staying at home, your husband helped you reduce your risk of COVID exposure. Likewise, it often makes sense for one person to quit their jobs when there are young children because childcare costs are out of hand. But as the threat of COVID fades and the world returns to normal, your husband is the only one who benefits from not working. Meanwhile, you’re carrying the weight for both of you.
It’s great that you can survive on your income alone, that doesn’t give your husband a get-out-of-work-free card. Whatever your financial goals are, you’ll get there much faster if he’s contributing. I don’t want you to settle for being “financially OK,” when you could be thriving.
In all fairness, though, your husband is doing what you’ve asked of him. He’s applying for jobs. As long as he’s making a serious effort, try not to be too hard on him, even if he’s not especially peppy about it. If he complains, you can acknowledge that you’re asking for a big change. Tell him you appreciate the fact that he’s willing to readjust after two years out of the workforce.
The two of you should sit down together and review your progress on whatever financial goals you share. If you’re already on track, aim higher. For example, say you’re both aiming to retire in five years and travel full time. Maybe you could set a new timeline of three years when you factor in the paycheck your husband will soon be earning. Or if you planned on a retirement budget of 70% of your pre-retirement income, perhaps you could shoot for 80% or 90%.
Maybe your husband will be more motivated when he sees that his contributions are necessary for reaching your goals. Keep in mind that change is hard, though. He might keep on complaining for now. But hopefully he’ll stop once he readjusts to working life.
Hold your ground on this one. You’ve supported your husband for two years. You’re giving him room to find work that he loves. No matter how much he whines, you’re not being unreasonable.
